Click here for my about page

Hello and welcome to my blog! I don't know if I'll be able to post here regularly but I do want to try. Check out the links on the sidebar for more content-specific musings.

For a little bit about me: I'm a psychology student working as a clinical intern. My hobbies are game development, writing, listening to music, and playing videogames. I love cats a lot!

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This is my first blog entry.

Yesterday was my birthday. I ate food I like and stayed home playing videogames. Those are the things I like the most.

But I felt lonely. I don't know why exactly, but by the end of the day, I just felt '...huh'.

Maybe it's because my previous birthdays were so great. I didn't get any gifts from anyone besides my dad and my online friends, a few people congratulated me, and that was it.

I was thinking of celebrating with some friends on the 20th, but I don't feel like it. I didn't sleep very well last night.

I think I'm still traumatized by my 12th birthday where I tried to have a party but none of my friends came and I cried myself to sleep, lol.

Or maybe it's the fact that it was also mother's day. It felt like cosmic torture that it had to be on that day specifically... everyone was out with their moms celebrating so I couldn't make any plans.

One of the reasons why I couldn't sleep is because I'm feeling that my imposter syndrome is going to hit me badly anytime now - I'm already at the 'everything I've ever made is crap' phase.

Nothing I make is that good and everyone who says otherwise is wrong.

This does not bode well for the possible steam release I need to do research on. I might just release the game and never open its steam page ever again, or disappear off the internet for a long while.

I'm seriously considering turning my main twitter into a game dev only space and asking my mutuals to follow me on a new account.

Suddenly, being vulnerable to a large audience terrifies me. Is this just impostor syndrome, or is this feeling going to last?

In a few days I might reach the 'time to delete everything' phase. I'll have to stop myself from erasing every single game and story I've ever posted again.

I don't feel so good. What a depressing first post.

I'll post about fun things next, I promise.